Why do I have on a muzzle?

For the amount of times I verbally shoot from the hip and tell people exactly what i think, I find I've begun to muzzle myself lately.

Why?

It's not that I'm afraid that what I say will be taken in the wrong context.
It may be that I am afraid that what I say will be taken in absolutely the correct context and that people are too gossamer to handle it. As if by processing my words their minds will collapse unto itself and their bodies will no longer be able to take the weight of truth as they fall to the ground in pieces.

Do I think too highly of my own opinion, as if my words could shake building and crush cities.

No, I simply understand that words do carry weight. They have energy all their own. The chemical reactions and neural energy in the brain that comes together to create thought. The energy required to speak said words, that create sound waves which are then received by the ears and translated by the brain. It can take seconds. But we all know the weight of words spoken:

I love you.
I hate you.
Will you marry me?
I'm leaving.
It's a boy!
She died last night.
I got the job.
I saw you with him.

Words have energy, words have weight.

I've always known this, so why now do I find myself holding on to my thoughts, as if I were safetying a gun. Careful to ensure it doesn't go off and injure someone. My other fear is that I am not simply choosing to bit my tongue, but that I am keeping things inside. Letting them develop into their own into thoughts and concepts which can prove dangerous if they escape.

Is it not better to just say what you need/want to say before your mind boils over with the pressure of words unsaid?
And yes that was a rhetorical question.

The real question is why am I muzzling myself, I've always outweighed what I say with how I say it; with proven success.

Recently, the beautiful Venus looked at me and said: "You look like there are things you're not saying."
And she was right, I remember in the moment we were discussing something and rather then respond to her I just looked at her as my mind raged in silence.

As if an argument or disagreement would be the end of our relationship... which is silly because just as with any healthy relationship, we have disagreement and arguments.

...

I just figured it out. It's my emotional state when I muzzle myself. I'm usually angry when I bit my tongue. I've always been a proponent of not saying things in anger that you would not say regularly. I strongly believe that: Emotion does not justify action.

Which means, I've been angry a lot lately. A manifestation of stress, pain and a lack of quality sleep. This is not good.

If I already have underlying frustration during moments of serious or intense conversation, whether at home or work, I muzzle myself; because I can't be sure if I'm about to say something that comes from the truth of the situation or from the unrelated anger and frustration that's itching under the surface.

hmm.

Interesting.

Well, let's take the muzzle off and see what happens.

If by next week I've got no job, woman or friends; at least we'll know why.